"It's not always what you say..."

A major source of communication breakdowns is incongruence between the words that people say and the nonverbal signals that they send, largely because we lose sight of the fundamental truth: You cannot not communicate. Every second that we are in the presence of another, we are constantly sending and receiving messages, often silent, nonverbal messages that can either augment our communication effectiveness or detract from it. These non-word symbols are the first things we notice about others and the first things they notice about us. They provide information about gender, age, preferences, emotions, and group membership. One of the problems associated with nonverbal communication is that it is not a precise language. There are no nonverbal dictionaries that provide the meanings for these symbols; nonverbals are often vague or unintended; nonverbal communication is continuous; and, compared to verbal communication, nonverbal communication is more highly prone to misinterpretation. Yet, studies show that over 60% of the meaning that is exchanged between the sender and receiver is related to non-word symbols. In other words, the very thing that people believe most readily is the least accurate. Is it any wonder communication problems are at the heart of so many disagreements? To further complicate matters, bosses often tell me that they didn't " intend " for people to take a message a certain way. Others have misunderstood. However, the reality is, our intentions don't speak as loudly as our actions do. After all, the road to high turnover is paved with good intentions. Nonverbal communication is especially persuasive and powerful in communicating emotions. When there is a discrepancy between the words we say and the nonverbal message we display, the receiver, more often than not, will trust the authenticity of nonverbal displays of feelings more than the verbal explanation of them. Since these emotions are frequently difficult to control, they will often leak through in telltale hints about our nervousness, anger, boredom, or other feelings. We are not always aware that we are sending powerful messages that undermine the message we are trying to convey. To help understand some of the ways we sabotage our best